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Finding our way back to Love

Contemplating the powers of the ego that exist within us, powers we all contain, is both humbling and healing. This last week my body shut down in illness, confining me to bed. It's been a powerful time of contemplation, of painful release, as I confronted some of these ego powers, staring them in the face, accepting their ugly, derailing features. Watching their unsettling presence is not pretty, which is why it takes enforced stillness to give us this opportunity to strengthen our capacity to return to love. When our ego powers are seen for what they are, they are neutralised, allowing the Soul's door to open and the Light to flood in.

Let's take a look at these powers of the ego; think about their presence in you, and in what measure do they exist.

The first is darkness. The feeling of heaviness, depression, the sense of being trapped with no light at the end of the tunnel. It's a darkness that makes you think you are alone. The ego loves creating this sense of loneliness, because then it retains its control.

The second power is desire - or, as I like to call it, clinging. This is when you wish things could be different. Essentially you want to be where you are not, leap-frogging from the past to the future, anywhere but in the place of reality, in the here and now.

Next, contemplate on the ego power of ignorance. This is the lack of awareness, when you are unconscious about something. This can be dangerous, unhealthy territory, particularly when we fall into unconscious states and then act from them. Awakening our consciousness is a benefit of Kundalini practice, helping us to progressively perceive ourselves, the world around us and the spiritual realm, more completely and clearly.

Craving for death is an odd ego power. This is about the ego making choices in our lives that endanger our health or impair our longevity. For example, when we choose to ignore the wisdom of Ayurveda, when we drink and eat to excess. This also includes being careful not to deny ourselves pleasure. This is about extremes, being destructive to our body, to take our pain out on the least-deserving possible thing; our body! The craving for death power is capable of taking you to both ends of the spectrum - towards "too much", leading to sickness, and then to the other extreme of "too little", resulting in the absence of pleasure, squeezing out the juiciness of a joyful life!

Now let's consider our body even further; our enslavement to the physical body. This is about being entirely identified with being a body, and only a body. The ego really wants us to feel this. And so the ego works very hard at making us forget that we are also a soul, not just this passionate body with its fiery needs.

The next power is called the "false peace of the flesh". This is our tendency towards inertia, a reluctance to do what we know is best for us. This comes from forgetting the wisdom contained within our body and losing the sense of trust in its powers.

"We can trust the body to take us to realms of pleasure and joy. We can trust it when it comes to nutrition and craving foods that we need or that just bring us pleasure. We can trust it when it comes to alerting us to a dangerous situation or person. We can trust the body to make us aware of the need to slow down, decrease stress levels, to heal. We can trust the body is more than just a machine to use, and misuse, at our ego's whim. We can trust the body has wisdom the intellect can never grasp. If we know how to listen, the body has wisdom, blood memory that reaches back through the centuries and carries the echos of our ancestors."

How aware are you of your reticence to change and do what is best for you?

The power of rage is one of the hardest to face, because no one wants to admit to being angry. This power is not harmful in itself. It's the presence of the power and the absence of the soul that creates the damage. When the soul is present, anger can heal, it protects and it can also bring great clarity. Pure rage, without the presence of the soul, can devour us, derail us and we very quickly can be overwhelmed by it. The secret is to responsibly express your rage, harness the powerful fiery energy to create positive action and change, without burning the house down.

It is hard, daunting even, to look at all these aspects of ourselves that we must contend with on a daily basis. Feeling all these not very pretty traits, admitting that they are a part of you can make us feel ashamed. We even pretend, and try to cover them up. The courageous route is to confront them head on, when you are ready...only when you are ready. This is the whole point of being human. The whole point of being feel the horrible, hard, derailing things and to then find your way back to love.

Welcome to being human.

Teachings from 30th May - 1st June Kundalini Class

Kriya: Exercises for the Heart Centre


Aap Sahaee Hoa from The Alchemist's Prayer

Sat Narayan from The Alchemist's Prayer

Lullaby from The Alchemist's Prayer

Chattr Chakkr Meditation from Meditations for Transformation, Nirinjan Kaur

Suniai from To the Heart, Nirinjan Kaur & Matthew Schoening


It's not the heart that ever breaks; it's the ego.

The heart only ever expands.

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